Facebook, what can I say? I’m sorry. I made a mistake. That’s what it comes down to. I don’t know why I thought I could ever leave you. You’re beautiful Facebook. You’re gorgeous. And we work so well together. I beg you, Facebook. Please take me back. Oh God Facebook, please. Take me back. I can’t live without you.
We’ve been talking every night since I left. Hell, it’s not like I ever left you. I’d log on at least once a day. After that first night I knew it was a mistake to break up with you. I knew from the way you graciously accepted my log in, allowed me to view whoever I pleased, let me creep on profiles, even after I said I was done. You could have ignored me. And you had every right to. But you were the bigger person Facebook. You graciously let into your world even after I wanted to break it off with you. You’re so giving Facebook. So loving.
I was just trying to get out on my own; to live without you. But I was wrong. It’s a bitter, lonely world without you. I don’t have any friends. I don’t get along with people in the real world. You want to know the cold hard truth Facebook? People are ugly in real life. Your photo albums show the great side of people, the bright and sunny side. With you everyone looks tan and sculpted. Some people say it’s deceiving, that people only put their best pictures up, but who cares? So what if Donna Noles is 25 pounds heavier in real life. Who cares if Dan Bryant hasn’t uploaded a photo in the 3 years because he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s balding? Reality is harsh and ugly Facebook. You are my reality. You are my lifeline Facebook.
You want to know what I did without you? I watched Frasier, ate ice cream and cried, Facebook. I had whole hours with nothing to do. I resorted to watching “Failed Marriage Proposals” on YouTube to pass the time. I was distraught. I missed our nights together. Your tender soft caress. The way you always know just what to say to cheer me up.
“Come in Brett,” you would say. “Stay as long as you want. Feeling blue? Don’t worry, I got just the thing. That’s right, 125 new pictures of Jenny Crowley. She’s in a bikini for most of the album. You know something else, Brett? Guess who from your highschool got fat and lost their job. Come take a look, it might surprise you. I know just the thing to raise your spirits Brett.”
I missed those nights Facebook. I missed you and I missed those nights.
I know things have changed. I’m cool with it. I understand that you are a networking tool. I understand that I will get less and less invitations to events like, “John’s Jammin Triple Kegger Bash,” and more invites to“Tina and Tony’s Baby Shower”. Life changes. Our relationship is progressing. It’s not sad, it’s life. I was scared to grow so I thought I had to break it off. I thought I could shelter myself from change. You’re right Facebook, I was selfish. I know you don’t have to take me back. But what would I do without you? Where would I be? Would I have 386 friends? I think not. I’d have 6 friends. Maybe. Take me back. I need you Facebook. I need you.
We’ve been talking every night since I left. Hell, it’s not like I ever left you. I’d log on at least once a day. After that first night I knew it was a mistake to break up with you. I knew from the way you graciously accepted my log in, allowed me to view whoever I pleased, let me creep on profiles, even after I said I was done. You could have ignored me. And you had every right to. But you were the bigger person Facebook. You graciously let into your world even after I wanted to break it off with you. You’re so giving Facebook. So loving.
I was just trying to get out on my own; to live without you. But I was wrong. It’s a bitter, lonely world without you. I don’t have any friends. I don’t get along with people in the real world. You want to know the cold hard truth Facebook? People are ugly in real life. Your photo albums show the great side of people, the bright and sunny side. With you everyone looks tan and sculpted. Some people say it’s deceiving, that people only put their best pictures up, but who cares? So what if Donna Noles is 25 pounds heavier in real life. Who cares if Dan Bryant hasn’t uploaded a photo in the 3 years because he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s balding? Reality is harsh and ugly Facebook. You are my reality. You are my lifeline Facebook.
You want to know what I did without you? I watched Frasier, ate ice cream and cried, Facebook. I had whole hours with nothing to do. I resorted to watching “Failed Marriage Proposals” on YouTube to pass the time. I was distraught. I missed our nights together. Your tender soft caress. The way you always know just what to say to cheer me up.
“Come in Brett,” you would say. “Stay as long as you want. Feeling blue? Don’t worry, I got just the thing. That’s right, 125 new pictures of Jenny Crowley. She’s in a bikini for most of the album. You know something else, Brett? Guess who from your highschool got fat and lost their job. Come take a look, it might surprise you. I know just the thing to raise your spirits Brett.”
I missed those nights Facebook. I missed you and I missed those nights.
I know things have changed. I’m cool with it. I understand that you are a networking tool. I understand that I will get less and less invitations to events like, “John’s Jammin Triple Kegger Bash,” and more invites to“Tina and Tony’s Baby Shower”. Life changes. Our relationship is progressing. It’s not sad, it’s life. I was scared to grow so I thought I had to break it off. I thought I could shelter myself from change. You’re right Facebook, I was selfish. I know you don’t have to take me back. But what would I do without you? Where would I be? Would I have 386 friends? I think not. I’d have 6 friends. Maybe. Take me back. I need you Facebook. I need you.
2 comments:
I wasn't kidding when I broke up with my bike. I did it for real. I even moved to a different country to make sure it was for serious.
since i'm back in France, i'm so creepin' everyday looking for new preys....I love Facebook
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